MarkMark Clements - A Biography

Mark is the shadowy third member of Nice Mum, and provides a lot of Behind-The-Scenes Wizardry™, such as:

  • Directing
  • Composing/producing music for the shows
  • Creating sound effects and voice-overs
  • Technical director and lighting/sound operator
  • Website designer/maintainer
  • Occasional poster design/artwork/multimedia finangling

Kris and Dave asked him to say a few words about himself:

What's it all about, eh? Well being a Swedish Necroflange, it's hard to tell. Thankfully I'm neither Swedish, nor a necroflange, so I am able to give a simple, straightforward answer. The answer is TULIPS.

Have you never wondered why tulips are so commonly the cause of so many of the world's greatest ills? Have you never wondered how they manage to bring about the downfall of so many of our greatest leaders? Or when they did these things? Or what I'm talking about?

Well have no fear, for all these answers and more are right at your finger tips. Simply phone the operator and ask for FreePhone Colditz, and I bet they laugh.

While we're on the subject of Portugal, I recently discovered an amazing cure for cancer. It is so simple I can hardly believe that it was I, a lowly shepherd boy, who has discovered it. The answer is thus: Don't be born between 22nd June and 23rd July. Try it - it worked for me.

Now, if you'll excuse me a minute, I'd just like to type the word 'shoes'.


Thank you. I simply had to get that off my chest, as it was compressing my lungs and causing me enormous breathing difficulty. As Groucho Marx once said: "They'll [never get] ... that ... [arse] off the ... [ground] ..."

Mark is 87 and lives in East Berlin.

Mark: Is that the kind of thing you were after?
Kris & Dave: No.